mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
