when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
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