Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
