it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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