Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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