remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
