Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
We got so high we made milksteak
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
