He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
