So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
