You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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