it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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