thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
