He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
