I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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