I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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