Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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