I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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