so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I am full of burrito and curiosity
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
