The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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