Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
She's the barista slut.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
