2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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