We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
