I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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