I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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