i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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