I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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