I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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