we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
