Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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