OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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