dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
