Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
