I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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