I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
