just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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