I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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