At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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