im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
