yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
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