Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
