You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
