There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
