Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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