I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
