Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
