Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I can't put those talents on a resume
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
