Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
