Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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