: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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