Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
