Betty ford says i'm here all night
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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