Plan B is the new Plan A
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
