I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
